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Tomorrow morning, we will dock in Ft. Lauderdale and head back home to Utah.  We’ve spent the last seven days chugging across the Atlantic since leaving the Azores.  You may be wondering what exactly it’s like, on a ship in the middle of the ocean for seven days.  Well, most days, it’s about like this:

But sometimes, it’s more like this:

And occasionally like this:

Well, that’s what it’s like if you ask me.  But if you were to ask Stef, I’m sure she would tell you that the entire trip has been more or less like this:

You see, Stef tends to get motion sick.  I don’t.  So the seven day Atlantic crossing has probably seemed more like 14 days to Stef.  But it hasn’t been all bad, because occasionally, you know, FLYING FISH!

(This was a very exciting day…)

But we’ve been keeping ourselves amused, and not neglecting our fitness.  In addition to the on-board gym, we’ve also been able to hook up our TRX on the balcony:

But there’s only so long you can exercise.  So I have to find other things going on around the ship to amuse myself.  For example, one day, they had a “Stocking Stuffer Sale”.  I was curious, so we went to see it.  Apparently, on this ship, “Sale” means just about the same thing as “brawl”.  It was a bunch of angry people yelling and elbowing each other to get to the same things they could get easily if they just waited twelve seconds.  This is the exact same behavior that they exhibit at the buffet.  (We gave up on the buffet after Stef got run over by someone with a walker trying to get “free” ice cream.)

We’ve also become fans of “Dancing with the Sharks”.  You see, every day on the ship, they have a happy hour at this one particular bar.  At this happy hour, they also have a small band playing ballroom dance style music.  While I’m not a big fan of ballroom dance, I am a big fan of sugar free energy drinks, and this is the only place on the ship that has them, that’s why we started going.  But this little dance venue is the highlight of the cruise and the personal monument to self for this one woman, who is the shark.  She is not an employee, yet every single day, this woman drags her hapless partner down to this venue, and reverse-leads him through every minute of every song that they play.  She sits down dutifully after every song for the 12 seconds until the band picks up again, whereupon, she immediately stands back up and resumes terrorizing the small dance floor with her mixture of dancing self-righteousness, condescension, and thirteen rows of teeth.

(You won’t get me on that floor without a shark cage…)

You can see that there’s no one else dancing in that photo – there’s a reason for this.  I have never seen this woman smile.  What I have seen her do is bark orders at the ship’s band; browbeat the housekeeping staff to change the lighting to her taste; and do that half-dancing, half-running thing from one end of the floor to the other to intimidate any newcomers back into their seats.  If you don’t actually like dancing, as I don’t, it’s great fun to watch the great white circle the floor and attack.

But apart from that daily entertainment, it’s been a very relaxing time.  There’s almost no place on this ship you can go and not be relaxed.  We’ve had many a relaxing breakfast in the Pinnacle Grill:

We’ve spent several relaxing meals dining in our suite:

And the main dining room is always a great place to relax after a day of relaxing:

But it’s not just the dining that’s relaxing, if you want some solitude, you can head up to the Crow’s Nest and let your hair down and just be yourself:

And if you’re an art connoisseur like I’m not, you can see what piques your interest at the art auction:

(Finally, some art that expresses what I’m feeling.)

And what day of relaxing would be complete without a trip to the on-board spa!

(I know I look completely relaxed, but actually, I found the spa terrifying.)

And there’s nothing more relaxing than a formal dinner out with your new, on-board friends.

Yep, life on board is pretty sweet, but tomorrow, our days of un-identifiable fruit

(I’ve never seen one without its Newton)

And Rat-Rolls

will come to an end, and we’ll be back home in Utah.  It’s just a few more hours until Florida, and Stef can’t wait to get off the boat.  You’ll hear from us next back in Utah!  Ahoy!