James has this “theory” about marriage. According to him, a marriage is like locking a tiger and a bunny in a cage together. In order for the bunny to stay alive, he must constantly present the tiger with steaks. If she doesn’t get enough “steaks,” she’ll attack. Or, maybe the tiger will just attack anyway because she’s bored. But you can’t really get mad at the tiger for attacking, because… well, come on! It’s a TIGER! And if you’re the bunny, you have to kind of expect to be eaten one day.
I laughed at it at first; but actually, it works to my advantage. Hey, if he feels he needs to deliver me “steaks” all the time, how can this be a bad thing? Take the text he just sent me from work. “Hi!” is all it said. I guess in his book, he just threw me a steak. And the notes he leaves me around the house… more steak. And the memory foam mattress pad he surprised me with last night. That would’ve counted as a big juicy one, but sadly, it gave him a backache. Alas, we’ll be returning it. A spoiled steak.
I noticed he’s applied this theory to all the guys around him. For example, daughter-in-law Anna (the English teacher) posted a picture on Facebook yesterday of some flowers and presents she received from my son. The caption, “Look at what Tyler gave me on my first day back in the classroom!” James’ response to Tyler: “Way to throw those steaks!”
Amelia, the almost 3 year old grandbaby, was recently at our house visiting with her parents. Anna and I were chatting in the kitchen, and Amelia had gone downstairs to see her dad and “Dude” (her name for James) who were down in the workout room. She loves to jump on the BOSU fitness ball which we keep down there, so that’s where she was headed. Suddenly, she came upstairs crying that “they were so mean!” I asked, “Who was mean to you?” and she yelled, “DUUUDE!” I told her, “Honey, go downstairs and remind Dude that you are a baby tiger and he better watch out.” Turns out she was upset that no one would hold her hands so she could jump on the BOSU. So, yeah, no one threw her a steak. And she attacked. My little baby tiger. Watch out, boys.
You hear so much these days about the “Languages of Love,” and how we should all figure out our partners’ languages. But, perhaps James’ tiger/bunny theory is even better! I can just see it now, a new bestseller relationship guide titled, “Survival of the Bunnies: How to Avoid Getting Your Ears Bitten Off,” written by the Bunny Otherwise Known As “James.” Or “Dude,” if you ask the baby tiger.
So, fellow tigers, may you all enjoy some nice steaks this week. And bunnies, GOOD LUCK!