So, this past Wednesday evening, Stef and I were down at the fire station getting re-certified on CPR and First Aid. Stef has to keep her certification current, because she’s a personal trainer. Me, I go along for moral support, and, well, because I think it’s a good idea anyway.
The certification was uneventful. Both Stef and I passed with flying colors and grateful mannequins. But OH MY HECK some of the people in the class and the questions they were asking had us cracking up so badly, I just have to share them. Now, don’t get me wrong, I really do think everyone in the class was a wonderful human being for learning how to potentially save a life. But because of all the questions, the class drug on until well after 10pm. I do think we could have gotten through the class without lengthy sidebar discussions on topics like these:
Student 1: “You see, my problem is my middle and index fingers are different lengths. Can I still perform two-finger infant CPR, or will I have to use my thumbs?”
My Reaction: Seriously? Last time I checked, EVERYONE’S MIDDLE AND INDEX FINGERS ARE DIFFERENT LENGTHS!! I’m no expert, but I think as long as you don’t impale the infant with your dagger-like finger, and can apply the appropriate pressure to the sternum, you’re going to be just fine.
Student 2: “What if we want to stop giving CPR because of guilt?” (This question led to a 20 minute debate – at 9:53pm – about the nature of our role as first responders, and whether or not we were interfering in God’s plan.)
My Reaction: Uh… Ma’am, maybe you’re not in the right class. Metaphysics and Philosophy are in the fine arts building on the main campus. We’re all here for the CPR certification, which was supposed to be finished an hour ago.
Student 3: “In the video, the rescuer says ‘Are you OK?’, when trying to rouse the victim. But in the manual, it says ‘Are you all right?’ Which is correct, and can I be sued if I used the wrong one?”
My Reaction: Well, Miss, since they’re, you know, unconscious and not breathing, it’s probably safe to assume they won’t remember which one you asked. But if you want to be really sure, you should probably ask in several languages, and you can stay here until midnight if you want to learn them, but I just want to get home.
Now again, I really do appreciate that all of these people were willing to sacrifice their time to possibly save a life. I just maybe wish they hadn’t sacrificed so much of mine…
BUT – and here’s where you come in – we also learned about a cool “hands only” CPR initiative. ANYONE can do it – and that means you! You can learn right now from your rig, over the campground WiFi in 60 seconds. If you’re looking at this blog, you can access the training, and I shouldn’t have to remind you why this is a skill you need to have. Check out this link from the American Heart Association: Hands Only CPR. As a bonus, if you never lost your fondness for disco (like me), it’s all about that classic from Saturday Night Fever, Stayin’ Alive! Check it out.